How the Conversation Began

The intention of this book is simple: I want to create a new paradigm of masculinity in this country. What I mean by that is I want men to recognize that some of the old ways of being a man in society no longer work. What is needed are some new ways of being a man that empowers men to become better husbands, fathers, lovers, and friends.

In this new paradigm, men will learn to embrace new roles as men, which I believe will help eradicate some of the social issues that currently plague our society. These issues include (but are not limited to) divorce, poverty, domestic violence, drug addiction, and fatherlessness. In my opinion these are the greatest challenges facing our country today.

I must admit that I am not an expert in this endeavor. I do not hold any formal degrees, and I definitely do not claim to have all the answers. Although I do not have any academic titles, what I do have is a strong conviction to share some of the lessons and principles I have learned that have helped me become a better man. My hope is that in sharing these lessons I can empower you to become a better man also. Once that happens, you can join me in creating this new paradigm of masculinity that I’m writing about.

As you read through this book try to imagine that you are listening to a trusted friend. I can assure you that my motives are pure, and I am definitely on your team. I want nothing more than to empower you to reach your full potential. Know that there will be things that I say that you may disagree with. At the same time there will be things that you may totally agree with. The key is to keep an open mind and listen to that still small voice of wisdom within you. Trust your inner voice as you read the contents of this book. Know that if you feel any discomfort as you read, it probably means that you are learning some valuable lessons. Discomfort is a sure sign of growth, and that should be the reason you are reading this book. There is a wonderful saying, “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” Be committed to growing, and keep an open mind.

To sum it up, my intention is to start a revolution, not a revolution of physical force or control but a revolution of the hearts minds and spirits of men. This is an inner revolution whose time has come. I welcome you to the revolution.

So are you ready? Are you ready to engage in a new conversation with men? Are you ready to join me in creating a new paradigm of masculinity? I believe the answer is yes, so let’s begin at the beginning. This is how the conversation began.

When I was nine or ten years old I remember sitting down having a conversation with my grandfather. I remember telling him that one day I was going to be rich. When asked how I planned on becoming rich I replied by stating that one day I would own my own company, and that I would be a very successful entrepreneur.

Not only do I remember the conversation, I also remember the very strong conviction I felt when I made the comment. There was a part of me that intuitively knew that this was my destiny, and I was put on this planet to lead an extraordinary life. No matter what it took I was committed to making this happen.

At the age of thirteen I actually started my first company. It was a janitorial company in which I would go to different companies and clean up for them. It began when I was walking home from school one day and happened to overhear an argument between an employer and one of his employees at a local motorcycle shop. The employee was cursing and screaming and saying that it was not his job to sweep and clean up, and he was threatening to walk out if the owner did not get someone else to do the dirty work. I sensed an opportunity and walked up to the owner and told him I had overheard the conversation. I told him that I was willing to clean up for him if he would give me a job. The owner looked at me with a smile and asked how much I would charge for my services. I had no idea how much money to ask for so I asked him what did he think my services were worth. He put his arm on my shoulder and said he would make me a deal. He suggested that I go ahead and clean up his garage and after I was finished he would determine what my services were worth.

That seemed fair enough, so I began my task. I knew this was a golden opportunity for me, and I knew that I needed to do my best. Fortunately my mother had instilled a very strong work ethic in me, and I cleaned that garage as if I was going to receive a million dollars. It was absolutely spotless when I finished. I did such a great job that the guy that was cursing about having to clean up walked over to the owner and told him that he needed to hire me right then and now. The owner agreed, and I landed my first job. Our agreement was that he would give me five dollars each time I cleaned the garage. It took me approximately thirty minutes to complete my task, so in essence I was making ten dollars an hour. The minimum wage at the time was a dollar and sixty five cents an hour. This was like hitting the lottery to me. The good news was that the owner had a few friends that also owned garages, and I ended up having three or four different customers as a result of his referrals. My very first company was born. I was an entrepreneur even though I really did not know what that meant at the time. This was my first taste of capitalism and success, and I loved it. The company lasted approximately two years, and then I moved on to other endeavors.

In high school I really struggled with making decent grades. It’s not that I wasn’t smart; I was actually just bored. I had had a taste of entrepreneurship, and I could not see the correlation of getting a high school diploma and becoming rich. There was something in me that was pulling me to my ultimate destiny. I wanted to be successful, and I wanted it now!

During this time I was enrolled in a special program that allowed me to go to school half a day and then go to work. I did not participate in sports because I believed that the way to live my dreams was by owning my own company, so I invested every minute I could into

learning about the business world. Going to work was exciting and exhilarating. I would sit down and speak with managers and ask them questions about climbing the corporate ladder. I devoured books on management, motivation and finance. Reading and studying about business was a lot different from what I was being taught in school. As I read business books I was filled with a passion for learning, while in school I was unmotivated and bored.

By the age of seventeen I was attending seminars and lectures about getting rich and living the American dream. One significant event I attended was a motivational seminar put on by a vacuum cleaner manufacturer. I remember being mesmerized by the speaker. He had this amazing energy about him, and he was captivating and intelligent. His passion was infectious, and I seemed to fall into a trance as I listened to him tell the story of how he became a millionaire selling vacuum cleaners.

As I listened to his story I began to believe that I could do the same thing. As he spoke, all I could see were dollar signs and my huge mansion that I had dreamed about since I was a young boy. Was this the opportunity that I had been searching for? Was this my path to riches and fame? At the end of the seminar the presenter said two things that made me believe that I had found my destiny. Number one, he said that I did not need a college education or a high-school diploma to become rich. Number two, he said that all I needed was a positive attitude and a willingness to work harder than anyone else, and I would succeed.

I knew in my heart that I was willing to work hard and maintain a positive attitude. I also believed that I was smart enough to learn whatever was necessary to become a success. I then decided that I needed to seize this opportunity and not wait another moment to begin

fulfilling my dream. I made the mistake of deciding to drop out of high school to pursue my dream of becoming rich. Of course my mother was extremely disappointed in my decision. She did everything she possibly could to talk me out of it, but my mind was made up. I dropped out of school and began my journey to wealth and success.

So there I was: young, motivated, ambitious, and ready to take on the world. Although my mother disagreed with my decision she still supported and encouraged me to do my best. She told me to work hard and do whatever it took to reach my goals. As always, she loved and encouraged me even though she disagreed with me.

Have you ever noticed how mothers are usually right about major life-changing decisions? This time was no different. My mother was right. I had definitely made the wrong decision. After several months and over three hundred cold calls I never sold a single vacuum cleaner.

I was disappointed and dejected, but I still did not let go of my dream. I had to make some decisions about my future, and I needed to find a way to get back on track. The first decision I needed to make was whether I would return to school. Although I knew it was the right decision there was a part of me that simply did not believe that a high school education was important. I felt very strongly that if I really applied myself to learning about business I would ultimately achieve my goals. I told my mom that I wanted to pursue a full-time job instead of going back to school.

Once again my mom told me that I was making the wrong decision. She assured me that a high-school diploma was the first step in achieving my dreams, and I needed to secure my diploma before I did anything else. I assured her that one day I would receive my diploma, but the time wasn’t right. I wanted to break into the business world, and now was the time for me to do it. As she had done before, my mom encouraged me to get focused and make my dreams become a reality. Although she disagreed with my decision she provided me with support and encouragement. I assured her that I knew what I was doing, and that I would not disappoint her. As a matter of fact, not disappointing her was the main reason that I wanted to be a success. I knew that eventually I would make her proud, and once I became rich I would be able to give her all the things she deserved.

My journey to my destiny had begun. The first thing I needed to do was to find a job and start building my future. What I hadn’t anticipated was the fact that most companies aren’t interested in hiring a high school dropout. Although I knew that I was a fast learner, had a positive mental attitude, and was very dependable I had an extremely difficult time simply getting an opportunity to showcase my skills. Every company wanted at least a high-school diploma before I could even fill out an application.

After a few months I began to rethink my decision. I had no success in locating a job, and I knew that I was disappointing my mom and most important, myself. Maybe I should go back to school to get my diploma and then pursue my dream. Maybe I was just dreaming and needed to come back to reality and follow the status quo.

Although I had some doubts, I knew that I could not go along with the status quo. I intuitively knew that I could not give up on my dream, and no matter what it took I had to persevere and make it happen. During this time I had maintained my commitment of personal growth and development. I had continued reading motivational books and stories of people who had overcome great obstacles to live their dreams. These books helped me keep a positive attitude and kept the fire burning within me. As I read their stories I felt a strong sense that I, too, would one day overcome all of the challenges placed before me. I knew that one day I would be sharing my story of overcoming seemingly insurmountable obstacles and that my story would motivate others the way that their stories had motivated me.

I instinctively knew that one day my big break was going to come, and all I had to do was to keep moving confidently in the direction of my dreams. I became more determined than ever.

To make sure that I would secure a job I decided that I needed to call on at least five potential jobs or fill out at least five applications a day. Every day I would take the daily newspaper and begin my search. I would make phone calls and set up interviews. I would make cold calls to companies that posted help-wanted signs. I was a man on a mission, and I refused to quit. After approximately five months I began to feel as if my big break was just around the corner. Because of all the effort I had put into finding a job, I had become much more confident and comfortable with the whole interviewing process. It was as if I were practicing for my upcoming big break, and the preceding months were simply preparing me for my ultimate destiny.

After approximately six months my big break finally arrived. I was going through the help-wanted section and I ran across an ad that said, “Major building-supply retailer looking for salesmen. Starting salary 800 dollars a month plus commission.” I remember reading that ad and then calculating to see if I would be able to move out and get my own apartment with that salary. Although I had not even gone for an interview or filled out an application I begin acting as if I already had the job. I actually convinced myself that it was mine, and I was already making plans for building my future. I was excited because I somehow knew that I was going to get that job.

When I arrived at the company’s location all sorts of thoughts were going through my mind. Be articulate, listen attentively, don’t talk too much. be polite, be assertive, be confident. These were all things that I had learned through reading business and management books. The time had come for me to put into practice all of these valuable business lessons.

Although I had put all of these tips to memory, I still could not repress who I was and my personality. I have always been an extraverted optimistic type, and by some peoples definition, “ a little cocky.” So I wasn’t surprised at all by my initial approach. I walked into the store and asked for the manager. Unfortunately he was not available, so I had to speak with his assistant. As his assistant walked up to me, I extended a very firm and confident handshake, something else I learned from the business books.

I looked him squarely in the eye and began the conversation something like this. “Hi, my name is Michael Taylor. Did you know that today is our lucky day? The reason I know this is because today I am going to save you some money and at the same time I am going to make some money. Don’t you think that is a lucky day for both of us?”

The poor guy didn’t know how to respond. He had that deer-in-the headlights sort of look and he finally ask me what I meant.

So I responded, “Well, you see, I saw your ad in the paper today. And now you can take the ad out of the paper, which will save you a lot of money, and you can give me the job, which will make me some money. Don’t you think that’s a win-win situation for both of us? All of the business books teach you about creating win-win situations. I was so glad I paid attention.

The guy looked at me with a smile and told me that he obviously did not have the authority to take the ad out of the paper, but he did want me to fill out an application. As I began filling out the application I remembered another lesson I learned from the business books. That lesson was to always leave a positive impression. So after I completed the application I asked the assistant if he had a few moments just to tell me a little bit about the company and the position. I then took it a step further and began asking him about how long he had been with the company and what he liked and disliked about working there. After approximately thirty minutes I knew his wife’s name, how many kids he had, what he liked to drink, and who his favorite sports team was. We were talking as though we were old friends. I had definitely created a positive impression that I knew would pay off.

He then informed me that the manager would not be back for several days, and he would contact me as soon as the manager returned. I thanked him for his time and left the store feeling even more confident that I would get the job.

After several days I called back to ask if the manager was available. Time after time I was told that he was in meetings or on the phone, and he would call me back. He never did. This went on for several days, and I began to think that he was giving me the run around and had possibly hired someone else.

After a couple of weeks I decided to take matters into my own hands, and I went back to the store to try to meet with the manager. As I walked around the store I noticed just how busy the store really was. It was overflowing with customers, and the employees were all running around in a panic. After a few moments I noticed that there was an accident on the paint aisle, in which someone had dropped several gallons of paint, which was now oozing down the aisle. The employees were screaming at each other trying to decide who should clean it up, and no one seemed willing to put forth the effort. I immediately sensed a golden opportunity and tracked down the manager.

When I met him I immediately liked his personality. Despite all of the chaos that was going on around him he still had a pleasant disposition. I approached him, extended my perfected confident handshake and introduced myself. “Hello, my name is Michael Taylor. I filled out an application a couple of weeks ago and thought I would stop in to see if you had made a decision.”

He paused for a moment and said, “Are you the guy that was supposed to save me some money? My assistant told me about you. Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you; it’s been pretty hectic around here, and I simply have not had the time to review your application.”

“Well, sir, it appears that you could really use my help right now. I can see just how busy you are, so wouldn’t this be a perfect opportunity for you to hire someone who can help you right now? Someone who could take some of the pressure off of you and your crew? I’m ready to jump right in and help out if you’d like.”

“That’s a pretty good attitude you have, son. What do you know about the lumber industry? Do you have any experience in sales?”

“To be completely honest, sir, I don’t have any experience in this industry. But what I do have is a positive mental attitude, a love for learning, and a great work ethic. If you give me the job I know that I can become a great asset to you and your company.” (I learned that

line from one of my business books.) “As a matter of fact I’m willing to start at the bottom and work my way up if you will give me a chance. I’m even willing to go clean up that mess on your paint aisle that no one else seems to want to clean up.”

“What mess on the paint aisle?”

“You might want to go see for yourself, sir. I noticed it on my way in.”

As he walked toward the paint aisle I was praying that no one had begun cleaning it up. I had a feeling that if the mess was still there it would increase my chances of getting the job. When we got there the mess was worse than ever, and no one was doing anything about it.

“What the hell happened over here? Why isn’t anyone cleaning this up?”

“As I mentioned, sir, your crew is very busy. I’m willing to jump right in and clean up this mess if you’d like. All you have to do is say the word, and I’ll get right to it.”

“You really are persistent aren’t you? I may regret this, but I think I would like to give you the opportunity. I haven’t reviewed your application yet, but I’m willing to take a chance on you. I want you to go to the back warehouse and get some cleaning supplies and begin cleaning up this mess. When you finish, I will review your application, and if everything checks out you can have the job. Is that fair enough for you?”

“Absolutely sir. That is more than fair. I can assure you that you will not regret this decision.”

After several hours I had cleaned up the mess and gone a step further. I cleaned up and reorganized the entire aisle. When I had finished, the manager smiled approvingly and said that he was confident that I would do a great job. He said that he had a very good feeling about my abilities, and that I had proved him right with the way I cleaned up the mess.

At the end of the day he had reviewed my application and wanted to know why I had not finished high school. Initially I thought I would not get the job, but when I explained to him that I was possibly going back to school he said something that totally caught me off guard. He told me that he thought it would be a good idea for me to get my diploma, but it was not necessary for me to move up within the company. He said that the company always hired from within, and the person that did the best job would receive the promotions and the highest salaries. Now that I had my foot in the door it was completely up to me to determine how far I would go. He said that if I really applied myself I could create a really good career with this company. I was so excited I couldn’t contain myself. I was smiling like the Cheshire

Cat, and I could not hold my excitement.

“Thank you so much for this opportunity. I feel extremely confident that this is the beginning of a long-term relationship, and I’m really looking forward to growing with the company. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“I want you to be here tomorrow at seven a.m. Don’t be late. I’ll have your weekly schedule ready for you then. We will also discuss your salary and other benefits. Have a great evening and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As I was driving home I knew that I had just received my big break. This was the opportunity that I had been waiting for. All of my dreams were about to come true. I was one step closer to fulfilling my destiny.

When I got home and shared the good news with my mom she had a sense of cautious optimism. She could tell how excited I was, and like any mother she began to drill me with questions about the company.

“How much are they going to pay you she asked?”

“The ad said that they pay 800 dollars a month plus commission. We are going to talk about the specifics tomorrow. The good news is that it’s a full-time job with lots of benefits and room for advancement. The manager said that there is even a possibility that I can move into management.”

“You should be very careful. A lot of companies will tell you certain things at the beginning just to get you to work hard. Then some of them will not keep up their end of the bargain. Did he say that you will need a college degree to move into management?”

“That’s the really good news. He said that if I work hard and proved myself I do not even need a high school diploma. He said that the company always hires from within, and now that I have a position with them I can make my own destiny. My success with them is

completely up to me.”

“I’m not sure if I believe that, but I’ll just wait and see. Congratulations on your new job. I’m proud and happy for you. Just remember everything I’ve taught you. Work hard, be honest, be smart, and care for others. If you do these things you will always be successful.

That night I could barely sleep. I couldn’t wait to go to work. I had my first real job, and I was ready to take on the world. I finally fell asleep dreaming of making my first million dollars.

The next day I made sure that I got to work early. I wanted to make a good first impression with my new co-workers. I immediately had a good relationship with the assistant manager. He and I became good friends, and he taught me a lot.

During the first few months I learned a lot about the company. I was excited about learning as much as I could. I became a sponge for information and devoured all of the information that I was presented with. I learned about plumbing, electrical, hardware, lumber, paint, and building materials. My favorite part of the job was customer service. I really enjoyed helping people with their problems and providing them with solutions. Great customer service was my specialty, and it wasn’t long before I was being recognized for being so customer friendly. I received my first raise within three months, and it really let me know that my manager was right about the company. Whoever worked the hardest would be compensated the most. My hard work was definitely paying off. Within six months my manager asked me if I were interested in their assistant-manager training program. He said that he was confident that I had the intelligence, drive, and determination to eventually become a store manager, and he wanted to do everything he could to help me achieve this goal. I told him that I was definitely interested and had set the goal of becoming a manager one day.

Everything in my life was going smoothly. I had a really good job, I had moved in to my own apartment, and I was learning a lot about the building-material industry as well as management. I was still reading tons of books about management and success, and I knew that I was on track to eventually live my dreams. Although I enjoyed working for this company, deep down inside I knew that eventually I wanted to be my own boss. I intuitively knew that this job would serve as a stepping stone to my ultimate dream.

After approximately a year I was offered an assistant-manager position in another city. Initially I did not want to move, but I knew that if I really wanted to get to the next level I had to go. I accepted the offer and decided to move. By this time I was really looking towards the future. I was on a fast track to success, and the next thing I decided was that I needed to start a family. I decided that it was time to get married. Although I was only twenty-one, I felt responsible and mature enough to start a family. As a matter of fact, my girlfriend at the time had a son from a previous relationship, and so I was marrying into a ready-made family. I felt up to the challenge, so I got married and started the next chapter of my life.

Once I moved and became an assistant manager the responsibilities increased, and so did the work load. But I absolutely loved the challenge. All of the reading and seminars I had attended were paying huge dividends, as I was climbing the corporate ladder. I felt confident in my ability to delegate, communicate, and articulate as a manager. I felt like a fish in water, and was very comfortable being in a leadership position.

Although my work life was doing well there were challenges at home that I was in complete denial about. Although I didn’t really feel that unhappy, there were several issues in my marriage that I really needed to address. The problems started with minor arguments about my working too much and focusing too much attention on making money. I rationalized it by saying that it was the only way for us to move up the social and economic ladder. I always argued that I was doing it for my family, and my wife should understand and support me. Instead of dealing with the real problems I simply worked harder at work and rationalized that whatever problems there were I could fix them by making more money and becoming a manager. I focused all of my energy on moving up the ladder, and within six months I received another promotion to a store in a different city.

I now had a reputation of being one of the best assistant managers in the company. The word was out that management was keeping a close eye on me and that I was on track to become a manager pretty soon. I continued to work hard and give a hundred percent; I knew that I was getting close. Approximately a year later I received the call that I was going to be a manager. Words cannot express the joy and feelings of accomplishment I felt when I received that call. All of the books I read, seminars I attended, late-night working hours had paid off. I was now a manager!

As I reflected back over the previous three years of my life I recognized that I had done what few people had done before me. I had dropped out of high school yet had succeeded in the business world and proved that anything was possible if I set my mind to it. I had overcome the odds, and I had won. I felt a deep sense of pride, but at the same time I knew that I had not reached my ultimate destiny.

At the time that I made manager I was only twenty-two years old. I was the youngest manager the company had had in its fifty-seven year history. It was a great accomplishment and one that I am still proud of today some twenty-four years later.

As a result of being promoted I had moved closer to my ultimate goal. I had gained a tremendous amount of knowledge in business, and now I would have an opportunity to apply the things I had learned. Being a manager turned out to be the highlight of my young life. I had gained the respect and admiration of my peers, and of course my mom was proud beyond words to see her baby living the American Dream. I had succeeded in my quest to become manager, but I knew that my life was just beginning. During this time I knew that I needed to keep my promise to my mom of getting my diploma. Although I knew that I really did not “need” the diploma, there was a part of me that felt like something was missing. I knew that I needed to fill this void, so I enrolled in a program to receive my GED. Although my mother was extremely proud of my becoming manager, without question she was more proud of the fact that I kept my promise to her and received my high-school diploma. I must admit that I, too, felt a deep sense of pride and accomplishment. Of course I knew that education is a life-long process. Although I had no intention of going to college I committed myself to lifelong learning. I knew that this was the key to my success. Even today I continue my commitment of constant and never-ending improvement.

At the age of twenty-three I purchased my first home and had my first child with my wife. I felt like a responsible adult for the first time in my life. With the home and child came all of the responsibilities of being a grown-up. Mortgages, insurance, car notes, and the responsibility of managing a multi-million dollar company were all new to me, but I was up to the challenge. I was able to take all of the knowledge and wisdom I had gained in pursuit of being successful and apply them to my life. As a result, the first three years went rather smoothly.

When I was twenty-six my wife and I had our second child together and on the surface it looked as if we were the perfect American couple. We had the house, the cars, the kids, the career, and everything society says we’re supposed to have to be successful, but there was something definitely wrong with our perfect family picture. The American Dream was beginning to turn into the American Nightmare.

I will admit that we were actually pretty comfortable for a couple of years, but then the economy turned for the worse, and there were several financial challenges that I had to deal with for the very first time. In addition to the financial challenges, there were still the unresolved issues in my marriage that I had been avoiding for a very long time. Those issues had finally caught up with me, yet I was still unwilling to deal with them directly. As a result of my denial my marriage began to unravel.

As I write this I am speaking from the point of retrospective reflection. At the time, I was so focused on making money and having a career that I had completely distanced myself from my wife. Of course at the time I was completely unaware that I was doing this. I did not recognize that I was emotionally unavailable to her and that I was actually using my work as a way to cover up my own deep-seated emotional issues. What I know now is that I was not able to give her what she really needed: emotional and spiritual support and connection. She really didn’t care about the titles, the money, the house or the vacations. What she really wanted and needed was me. Nothing more. She would have been just as happy living in an apartment driving a used car without any participation in social activities. She simply wanted to love me and be my wife, and that was enough for her. But I could not comprehend or accept that. As a result of my own insecurities I attacked her and made her wrong for simply trying to love me. I rationalized by accusing her of not appreciating how hard I was working. I blamed everything on her and did not take responsibility for being a large part of the problem.

It truly amazes me how I could have been so blind. I should have recognized that I was neglecting her emotional needs. I should have known that staying at work long hours, even when it was unnecessary, was a sure sign that there was something wrong. I should have known that our marriage could not improve unless I decided to open up and share what was really driving my behavior. And most of all, I should have recognized that I had given her everything except that which she needed the most. Me.

But I didn’t know. I didn’t know that I was supposed to be emotionally available. I didn’t know that men were supposed to be emotionally and spiritually connected to their wives. As a matter of fact I didn’t have a clue what any of that psychobabble even meant at the time. I didn’t know; I didn’t know; I just did not know.

As a result of my not knowing and denial I distanced myself from my wife and ultimately ended up going through a divorce. I was in new territory for the first time in my life. I had failed at something, and it was an extremely difficult thing to admit. Without question the most difficult aspect of my divorce was the overwhelming feeling of failure. My entire sense of self was wrapped up into the titles of manager, husband, and father and as a result of losing my family I lost my sense of self. None of the business books I had read prepared me for this. The time had come for me to move my life in a new and different direction because my life was definitely not working.

This is the point where A New Conversation with Men actually begins. I share that story with you because I believe every man can relate to it. We have all experienced disappointments and setbacks in our lives, and some of us are more resilient than others. The purpose of this book is to assist any man who may be struggling with life’s difficulties and are looking for a way to put their life back together. The reason that I believe this book is so important is that most men will not speak openly about the emotional and psychological challenges we deal with on a daily basis, and my hope is that this book can be a beacon of hope for any man who is ready to hear its message. I believe it is a book whose time has come, and I hope the insights and information prove valuable to you and your life.

Now back to the story.

As mentioned, my life was in chaos, and I was really struggling to keep myself together. All of the business and motivational books never prepared me for these types of challenges. There was no amount of motivation that could help me deal with the incredible amount of loss and suffering I was going through. My heart ached, my mind was cloudy, and my soul felt split in half. I had lost all sense of my identity. My life was in a downward spiral, and I needed to get it back on track. But how was I supposed to do that? I was in unfamiliar territory, and it was extremely uncomfortable.

During the darkest period of my life I had an amazing epiphany. While sitting up late one night I was trying to figure out how to get my life back together. I was replaying all the events that led up to my downfall, and I could not fully comprehend what had actually happened. I concluded that I was really a good guy, and I shouldn’t be suffering the way that I was. I didn’t have a pity party, but I was really struggling with trying to find something positive to be learned from my failure. I tried to come up with something to be grateful for; all I could think about was being a failure.

But then the epiphany. I started to think about how I succeeded from the beginning. I reflected back on all of the books and seminars I had participated in. I replayed all of the events in my mind, and I remembered how I had been so committed to society’s version of success. I remembered how I had overcome many obstacles, and deep down inside I knew that if I could succeed once I could do it again. As I thought about all of my accomplishments and successes I realized that during this time I had actually lost touch with my joy. I had spent all of my energy building my intellect, but I had completely neglected my heart and soul. My work and my family life had become intellectual tasks devoid of any feeling or emotion. There was no happiness or joy in any part of my life. I knew that this was the reason

I was so miserable, and I needed to do something immediately. I then asked myself the single most important question I had ever asked up to that point in my life.

The question was this: “What if I take all of the energy and effort I have used trying to get rich, and take that effort and put it in to simply being happy?” This was the question that changed everything for me. In that moment something inside of me shifted. I knew this was what I needed to do, so I set out on a quest to become authentically happy with me, myself, and I. It was a decision that would set the stage for me to ultimately find my purpose and my passions in life. It was ultimately the question that would lead me back to my joy! Although it wasn’t easy, I can honestly say that I found that joy, and I am currently living my dream.

My journey to happiness began by my willingness to begin reading and studying different types of books and participating in different types of seminars. Instead of the intellectual, get rich quick, money making, management type books and seminars, I begin reading and participating in psychology, spirituality, and personal-development books and workshops. The difference was that these books and seminars challenged me to look within myself to discover the root causes of my behaviors. They helped me recognize that I was completely responsible for my own happiness, and the way that I would experience that happiness was for me to look within myself. I have come to know that the answer to every question we have can be found within us if we are willing to look deeply inside ourselves and find them. And although this is a difficult and sometimes painful journey it is the only way for us to get to a place of authenticity and freedom.

During this process I asked myself another question, which also led me to my ultimate purpose and destiny. That question was, “What does it really mean to be a man in today’s ever-changing society?” This turned out to be the granddaddy of all questions. It is the question that I have been trying to answer for the past twenty years. It is the question that challenged me to spend the last twenty years or so researching psychology, philosophy, metaphysics, religion, and spirituality trying to find an answer. It is the question that propelled me to become a writer, speaker, and radio-show host. I believe it is the question that every man in America should be asking himself right now.

What does it mean to be a man in today’s ever-changing society?

This is the question that I believe can and will change the fabric of the world. By being willing to create a new conversation with men I believe that we can eradicate the vast majority of challenges America faces. By creating a new paradigm of masculinity I believe we lay the foundation for a country that fulfills its declaration of being land of the free home of the brave.

This book is my attempt to change not only America but the world at large. I believe the time has come for us to embrace all of humanity and to work together to heal the planet. Men across the globe should be willing to participate in this new conversation, which ultimately should lead to a kinder, gentler, and more compassionate world. My belief is that the old ways of being a man no longer serve us, and we must create new ways of relating and participating with each other. This will not happen as a result of political or judicial means. It will only occur when we, as men, learn to embrace this new conversation that I am currently writing about.

In order for this conversation to weave itself into the consciousness of the world we must heed the advice of Michael Jackson. We must start with the man in the mirror and ask him if he is willing to change his ways. If he is, then the new conversation begins. Are you willing to engage in the conversation? Are you willing to challenge your deep rooted beliefs about what it means to be a man? Are you willing to look deeply within the man in the mirror? If the answer is yes, then you are already engaged in the conversation. As a matter of fact, if you’ve read this far that tells me that you are already a member of our revolution. The truth of the matter is most men are not ready for this dialog. Most men are content with living the lie and are too afraid to engage in this conversation. But if you are still reading that tells me that you are ready. You are ready for the new conversation, and that is reason for celebration. Welcome to the revolution; we’ve been waiting for you.

My hope is that this book becomes a guide for all men who are willing to live an extraordinary life. Despite all of the challenges facing our world I remain optimistic that there are better days ahead. Each of us must simply do our part by discovering who we really are and reaching our full potential. Once we come to the recognition of who we are we must then take our gifts and talents and share them with others. Sharing our gifts and talents while expressing our joy is a surefire way to transform our world.

My commitment to you is to be as open, honest, and transparent as I can be while sharing the lessons I have learned. I can assure you that this book comes from my heart and is written with the sincerest intention. As you read the contents simply listen to your own inner voice and see if the message resonates with you. The time is now for a new conversation. I’m glad you have decided to participate.

Just remember this quote as you read through this book:

Personal transformation leads to world transformation.

Transform yourself, and you automatically transform others.

Welcome to A New Conversation with Men!

The Fabric of a Woman

Investing in You—Body, Soul, and Spirit

Pamela Hines

Whitaker House

I absolutely love Pastor Pamela Hines! She has blessed me and my marriage through her book A Wife’s Prayer, which was used as a guide for a wives’ Bible study that I’m involved in. She also served as a keynote speaker for my retreat called Treasure You, where women were touched and inspired by her message on prayer. It was life-changing!

—Pat Smith, wife of former NFL star Emmitt Smith

Pastor Pamela Hines is a true woman of God you can follow because she leads by example. She exudes godly character and living in every way. Pastor Pam has had a permanent impact on my life primarily because of her unconditional love toward me and everyone I have seen her encounter. The love that she has shown her husband, family, and others is extraordinary—a rare find. If only we all could believe in what she has to say. It is remarkable that everyone gets to experience her counsel, wisdom, experience, and advice in The Fabric of a Woman: Investing in You—Body, Soul, and Spirit. Having the book is like having the counsel of a best friend, mother, and spiritual guide all in one at your fingertips. Read this book; use it in your daily living. Any woman who takes her counsel will get more than she expects. Get ready, world; the bona fide woman is back in style!

—Twyla Betha, wife of pastor and artist Mason Betha

Pastor Pam has been such a light in my life—she has taught me many things that I never experienced growing up. One thing that stands out above all else is her compassion and heart for God’s people. I was never a person who cared that much about anything or anyone. But I have learned, through watching her and through praying, that our goal on this earth is to be like God. Pastor Pam’s heart and personality are like none other. I strive every day to have a heart like hers—a heart that is close to God’s.

—Nina Hines, daughter-in-law of Pamela Hines

Pam and I have been friends for more than twenty years, and I can remember many of the good times that we have shared. We would meet for coffee most mornings after dropping our children off at KinderCare. That would be our quiet time before starting the day. Then there were the times we would drive into Chicago (my hometown), and we would sing along to tapes of our favorite songs. Every time one of us messed up, we would start the song over until we got it perfect, or, should I say, at least got all the words right. So, sometimes, we would play one song over and over again for over ninety miles. I also remember when Christian Faith Fellowship was founded; my family and I were among the first to join. Pam is a wonderful friend with whom I shared many birthdays, heart-to-heart talks, and countless good times. I can truly say that Pam is a wonderful example of a wife, mother, friend, and, most of all, woman of God.

—Vonnie Cummings, friend

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version, © 1979, 1980, 1982, 1984 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (kjv) are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible. Scripture quotations marked (msg) are taken from The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language by Eugene H. Peterson, © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (nlt) are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (niv) are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, niv®, © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (amp) are taken from the Amplified® Bible, © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org) Scripture quotations marked (nasb) are from the New American Standard Bible®, nasb ®, © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

The Fabric of a Woman
Investing in You—Body, Soul, and Spirit

Pamela Hines

ISBN: 978-1-60374-126-2

Printed in the United States of America

© 2009 by Pamela Hines

Whitaker House

1030 Hunt Valley Circle

New Kensington, PA 15068

www.whitakerhouse.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data (Pending)

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical—including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system—without permission in writing from the publisher. Please direct your inquiries to permissionseditor@whitakerhouse.com.

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Foreword

As I have walked with the Lord for over thirty years, He has brought powerfully anointed people into my life who have strengthened me and my walk with Christ.

When I met Pamela Hines, it was at a time when God was moving me out of my comfort zone into public exposure. My prayer, being a wife and mother on the battlefield, was to be connected to people with a true anointing from God. I was invited to appear on a Christian broadcast, which is where I met her; we were about to share our testimonies with the world. I needed the assurance that the women I came in contact with would be Christians having real relationships with God—true saints who would be there for me. Our meeting was God’s purpose.

Pamela has a genuine relationship with our God, and it is made manifest in her lovely countenance and conversation. Her presence so reassured me that I was in God’s will. She shared her love for the Lord and for her husband. It was real. It enabled me to connect with her in the spirit.

When I first came to the Lord, a powerful woman of God gave me a book that changed my life. When Pamela gave me her book, I knew I was about to be blessed again. Pamela’s book A Wife’s Prayer is a powerful daily devotional. I read it every morning, along with other prayer books. Pamela’s book changed the way I pray for my husband. Her prayers and knowledge of the Word take us deeper into the dimension of God’s truth. She expounds on how to pray effectively according to the Word of God. Her love and reverence for God and His Word is overwhelming. Truly, the Lord has called her into His presence.

As you read The Fabric of a Woman, I pray that every fiber of you, as a woman, will be changed. You will learn to take authority over negative thoughts and ungodly appetites, as well as how to pray effectively to get results. Too many saints get caught up in their own bondage. Pamela will help to bring you out. She will take you back to the basics of loving and obeying God’s commandments and loving your neighbor as yourself. She really brings it home.

Your sister in Christ,

Shirley T. Gooding

Mother of Cuba Gooding Jr., Academy Award-winning actor

Contents

Preface

Introduction

1. God Is an Investor

2. Invest in Yourself

3. The Fabric of You

4. A Triune Blend of Fabrics

Investing in Your Body

5. God Lives Here

6. Diet: A Balancing Act

7. Temple-Building

8. Rest and Relaxation

9. The Oil of Esther: Preparing for the King

10. Body: A Language without Words

Investing in Your Soul

11. It Is Well with My Soul

12. Here I Grow Again

13. Renewing Your Mind

14. Controlling Your Emotions

15. Sisterhood

Investing in Your Spirit

16. The Essence of You

17. Interwoven with the Word

18. Prayer Life

19. The Power of Positive Words

20. Fruit: The Fiber of Life

21. Unforgiveness Is Not a Word

22. Find Your Heart

Conclusion: The Virtuous Woman

About the Author

Preface

The Fabric of Me

For as long as I can remember, I have loved and honored God as my “Abba”—my Daddy. You see, I didn’t grow up around my biological father; I have no vivid recollection of him. After my parents separated, we moved away. My mother eventually remarried, but by the time my stepfather became a part of my life, I had already developed a relationship with God the Father, and He has been “Daddy” to me ever since. My stepfather was a wonderful provider who sufficiently supplied everything we stood in need of.

My father-in-law, who has gone home to be with the Lord, also had a great impact on my life. His way with words brought much laughter to my soul, and he was very precious to me. I miss him dearly.

While all of these examples are outstanding, the greatest measure of a father to me is God. As a young child, I was very quiet, reserved, and introverted. But that changed as I grew into the knowledge of who I am in Christ and came to understand that there is a river of life flowing from me, and that I have something valuable to give and to say.

When I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior at eleven years of age, God became Father to me. Embracing the image of who He is to me and who I am in Him has been easy. I trust Him with complete confidence. Every time someone applauds my efforts or accomplishments, I am reminded that He created me in His image. (See Genesis 1:26–27.) He is the One I honor for giving me the person with the greatest, most positive impact on my life: my mother.

I was created by God, “knit…together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13 niv), and He knew what He was doing when He chose Hazel Westmoreland to be my mother. When someone says that I’m like my mother, it gives me great pleasure. If I can be even half the woman my mother was, it will be an honor of the highest distinction. She was truly a special lady, beautiful on both the outside and inside. I imagine that any woman who has or had a good relationship with her mother believes the same thing.

“Doll Baby” is what she was called as a child. The thick, curly locks that adorned her head, the chocolate brown skin that covered her body, and the words of comfort that flowed frequently from her lips reflected the beauty of her countenance and the sweetness of her temperament. As a woman, she was poised and feminine, yet confident and strong. She wasn’t cantankerous or argumentative. Her words were always seasoned with grace, so they ministered that same grace to the hearer.

The truth is, I can hardly think about myself without thinking about my mother. My most prominent characteristics and tendencies are a tribute to her example. So, if I seem patient, kind, loving, and trusting, it is because the fabric of my temperament was woven by the Designer’s finest thread, just as my mother’s was. If ever there was a person fashioned in the image and likeness of God, it was my mother. She was the epitome of a giver—she gave of her resources, her substance, her worth, and her life. It didn’t matter who you were or what you did; if you needed someone to minister to your success, my mother was the woman for the job.

My heart for giving and helping people to excel flows from what I observed my mother doing. It was my mother whom I studied reverently, for she portrayed the image of God in every aspect of her life. I thank God for that attribute: the power and the willingness to give. I have honored God in my giving, and He has blessed me in every aspect of my life—spirit, soul, and body.

My mother received salvation late in her life, but the godly traits that she exhibited are evident in the lives of me and my two sisters, LaVander and Ruby. God knit my mother together with the necessary threads to produce a rich fabric that would flow to every one of her descendants. Because my mother was a giver, so am I. My sons are givers. Their children will be givers, and every generation that follows until Jesus returns will all be givers. My mother left a legacy that was instilled in us as we observed her. She didn’t sit down with us and say, “Let me teach this to you”; we learned the importance of giving by the precepts she demonstrated and the example of her steadfast nature.

Every woman is not so fortunate to have had someone, particularly a mother, who offers her such opportunity and privilege. That’s when you have to allow the Holy Spirit to begin to design you in the image of God the Father. If you’ve never had a godly example to follow—no mentor or confidant to nurture your worth or establish and affirm your footing as a child of God—then God has made Himself available to you in order to fashion you in His likeness. If you think it’s too late to learn of God and follow His example, it’s not. You’re not too old; you haven’t gone so far as to travel beyond God’s grace, for it is immeasurable. His grace is sufficient for you, but you have to trust Him. You have to believe that He is able, willing, and available to do exceeding, abundantly above all that you ask or could even imagine, according to His power that works in you! (See Ephesians 3:20.) Never forget that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

God bless you,

Pamela

Introduction

There is an underlying fabric to all of us as women—a common manner in which every aspect of who we are functions and operates. The fabric of you is who you are; it’s what makes you, you. Through your fabric—your unique makeup—you touch the world; you commune with God; you love, feel, and understand.

We have been “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). This means that we have been crafted by a loving Creator who endued each of us with a marvelous and unique set of attributes, skills, and talents that compose the fabric of our lives.

Clothing manufacturers use many types of fabric: silk, cotton, polyester, nylon, wool, and the list goes on. Silk is said to be one of the strongest natural fibers in the world, while polyester isn’t so famous for its durability. What kind of fabric are you made of? The fabric of a woman is an intricately woven tapestry masterfully crafted with rich hues of virtue, wit, intuition, strength, character, and a host of other fine threads. The fibers of her being define the nature of her spirit, soul, and body. We are much like the exquisitely beautiful and intrinsically valuable natural fabrics; we live, we move, we breathe, and we grow, unlike man-made synthetics.

We would all love to be made from a cut of fabric that is dirt-resistant and flame-retardant; one that never tears or unravels. But the truth of the matter is that life often pulls at our loose threads, threatening to make us fall apart at the seams. Life brings constant pressures that can overwhelm us if we aren’t daily cultivating the fabric of our lives. Like God does, we need to invest in who we are and in what we have in order to withstand the pressures of life.

If we fail to invest in ourselves, we will sustain unwanted injuries to our fabric. The good news is that when we walk closely with God, He becomes our Seamster, and He is quick and adept at mending the rips, tears, and loose threads of life.

God is an Investor. He created us to be fruitful—to multiply and replenish. He uses the assets of those who commit to obedient, faith-filled lives to cause the investment to grow or mature, just as a profitable financial investment yields an opportunity to earn income or profit. God’s investment in our lives provides wholeness for our entire beings—body, soul, and spirit—so that nothing is missing from or broken in our lives. His objective is to make each aspect of us complete: completely healed, completely whole, completely functional. His investment increases as we continuously attend to and appropriate His Word in our lives. His Word defines our worth because it is the standard for our value.

In your life, what’s failing? What isn’t rising or increasing? As never before, the time has come to recognize your worth and allow the “Great Investor” to develop and heal you. He wants you to see yourself as He does, no longer being hostage to or dependent upon a poor self-image of someone else’s opinion about who you are but rather adopting a revelation of who He has created you to be.

Chapter One

God Is an Investor

Investing is the action of redirecting resources from being consumed in order to create benefits in the future. The word create means to generate, produce, fashion, or construct. Each of these references suggests that if anyone takes the time to create something, he seeks to benefit from its existence, and the best way to maximize the existence of a creation is to invest in and protect it.

To capitalize on our ability to produce, God continually invests in us. According to 2 Peter 1:3, He has given us “all things that pertain to life and godliness.” God has invested His attributes in us so that we may have the ability to prosper. When He deposits His nature, character, and ability into us, He expects the return to be people who have been transformed into His image and likeness.

As our lives bear fruit, God creates more and more opportunities for us to increase, resulting in the growth of His investment. His plan for us is that we continually produce abundant fruit in our lives. He gives us gifts and talents in order to enhance His ability to gain a greater return, and His ultimate desire is for you to increase in such a way that the fruit of your life draws others to Himself.

In Matthew 25:14–29, Jesus told a wonderful story about a farmer who was a respectable businessman. He said, “For the kingdom of heaven is like a man traveling to a far country, who called his own servants and delivered his goods to them” (verse 14). Before the businessman left the country, he gathered his chief financial officers and instructed them to invest his money. To one, he gave five talents; to another, he gave two talents; and to a third man, he gave one talent. Each man received no more than what corresponded to his ability or potential to produce. The man who received the five talents invested them and doubled his assets. Likewise, the man who received two talents invested them, yielding a return of two additional talents. But the man who received one talent hid it.

After a long time, the businessman returned and reconciled the increase with each servant. The first man joyfully reported to his master that the five talents had doubled to ten. His master applauded his employee’s faithfulness and gave him a promotion.

The second man told his master that he, too, had received a double return on his investment, and he received a promotion, as well. The businessman said to his employees, “Great job! I appreciate your diligence in getting the job done. Because you have been faithful over these few things, I will make you rulers over many things. Let’s celebrate!” (See verses 21, 23.)

Then, the man who had received one talent said, “Sir, I knew you were a harsh man; your investment was yielding a return where you hadn’t put it and gaining interest where you hadn’t cultivated. I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it. But I have it. It’s all here. Here’s your money back.” (See verses 24–25.)

The businessman replied, “That doesn’t make sense. If you knew I received a return where I didn’t invest it, and that I gained interest where I didn’t cultivate, and you thought you would lose the talent, why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? I could have gotten at least some interest on it.” He then took the talent from the lazy man and gave it to the first man to add to his ten talents. (See verses 26–28.)

This principle does not apply to money alone. Rather, it touches every area of our lives: our gifts, talents, abilities, resources, spirits, souls, and bodies.

God, our Divine Investor, is a lot like the businessman in this story. He has delegated many gifts, talents, and abilities to us, and He expects that we will remain diligent to increase what He has entrusted to us.

To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.

(Matthew 25:29 nlt)

In the investment world, if an investment fails to produce, a smart investor pulls out when she sees that the price of her shares is falling. God, on the other hand, is committed to His investment. He will never pull out of your life, but He will prune, or cut back, any unproductive areas to ensure that His “stock” does not crash. Jesus said, “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit” (John 15:1–3). He protects His investments because He is a wise and caring Investor.

In all His glory, ability, and power, God opened Himself to man. He made us with free will, giving us the privilege to choose and refuse, and this choice includes Him. In His foreknowledge, He knew that we might potentially forsake Him, yet He still chose to make an investment in us, and that investment was the sacrifice of His own Son. Every investment comes at a price, and this one was no different, except in that it was the highest price ever paid. We were bought with the price of the shed blood of Jesus Christ. (See 1 Corinthians 6:20.)

God sent His only Son in exchange for our redemption. As an Investor, God chose to “lend” Jesus (the original good) in exchange for you and me (the yields on His investment). He made an investment of one Son, and that investment split many times over, bringing Him many sons. Hebrews 2:10 says, “For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.”

The Value of a Woman

The value of an object is usually determined by what it’s made of. For example, I have various jewelry pieces composed of cubic zirconia (CZ) and others of diamond. I treat my diamonds much differently than I do my CZ. My diamonds are kept in a special place, but I may put my CZ on the bathroom counter, in my coat pocket, or at the bottom of my purse. If I lose my CZ, I won’t shed a tear; if I lose my diamonds, however, my response will be different. To God, we are more valuable than many diamonds. If we fail to recognize the value God places on us, we will never appreciate our worth as women.

My husband and I built our home, and I was privileged to have the opportunity to customize many of the features. When it came to fabrics, I fell in love with certain textures, colors, and patterns from some of the most exclusive designers in the business. Most of my favorite fabrics were natural, many of them mentioned in the Bible, and I discovered that the finer fabrics where those spun by the designer himself. They had been handcrafted to the designer’s specifications. In the same way, God handcrafted each of us into a unique, vibrant fabric. We were fearfully and wonderfully made, and we bear His image, for He was not ashamed to call us His own. “I will be their God, and they shall be My people.…I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters” (2 Corinthians 6:16, 18).

Created a Female, Made a Woman

Do you realize there is an important and profound difference between being created and being made? You and I were created female, but God made us into women. He never makes mistakes; He had no doubts or regrets when He made you and me in His image and likeness. Let’s return to the Genesis account for a few highlights. In the first chapter of Genesis, we read that both male and female were created: “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27). In the second chapter, we learn the details of how God made both genders. The male was made, or formed, from the dust of the ground (see Genesis 2:7), and the female was made from a rib that was taken from man.

The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

(Genesis 2:21–23)

Again, there is a distinction between being created and being made. A creation is something unique that would not naturally occur on its own; rather, it depends on the initiative and action of a creator.

It was the breath of God that created man and woman in the beginning. But their bodies were made from what already existed in the earth. God’s purpose for creating Eve is found in Genesis 2:18: “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’”

Until God formed Eve’s body and brought her to life, there was no suitable companion for Adam in the earth. Every animal of the field, fish in the sea, and bird in the air had a companion, but there was none for man. God, the Great Physician, is naturally an unparalleled anesthesiologist. He caused a deep sleep to come upon Adam, and then, as Adam slept, He accurately and precisely removed one of his ribs, using it to form woman.

Created for a Unique Purpose
While man was formed from the dust of the ground, woman was made from the rib of the man. We women are strong because we’re made from strong stuff. The ribs serve several important purposes in the body: they protect vital organs, such as the heart and lungs, and they aid in breathing—when you inhale, they move up to enable your lungs to expand, and when you exhale, they move down to push the air from your lungs.

Likewise, woman serves an important purpose on the earth. She was ordained by God to be a helper, a nurturer, and an influencer. Her role on the earth is distinctly different from the role of man. As women, we possess great power and ability. Satan understood the unique power and influence of women. For this reason, he chose to speak with Eve in the form of a serpent in the garden of Eden. (See Genesis 3:1–6.) He knew that, once tempted, she would carry her influence to tempt Adam, as well. Through the woman, Satan succeeded in getting Adam to defy God’s orders.

God wants us to use our influence as women to further His purposes on the earth. We must not heed the voice of the enemy, who still tries to manipulate the influence of women, for to do so would contradict the plan of God and consequently disqualify us from living in God’s blessing. Women who choose to obey the voice of God will always have God’s best operating in their lives. Use your influence as a woman to bring forth life—not just in a literal sense, but in every arena in which you find yourself, because that’s what you were made to do.

About the Author

The ministry of Pamela M. Hines began in 1982, after her husband Darrell L. Hines was raised to life after being tragically struck by lightning.

Together, they pastor one of the most dynamic churches within the city of Milwaukee, and are the overseeing founders of several other Christian Faith Fellowship Churches. She is the cofounder of Dominion Fellowship, an outreach ministry encompassing a diversity of races and religious backgrounds that caters to the specific needs of husband-and-wife ministry teams.

Pamela has an anointing upon her life to minister to women. She is the founder of “The Women’s Image Course,” a powerful series of lessons designed to meet the needs of women. Her grace and message attracts women from a variety of racial, economical, and social backgrounds. Her aim is to empower women to be all that God has called them to be, focusing on the spirit, soul, and body. Pamela’s earnest desire is to help the body of Christ walk in the knowledge and authority that God has given to them, and to strengthen its members through the ministry of God’s Word.

Her message is practical and those who hear her will become challenged to be all that God desires them to be. Her first book, A Wife’s Prayer, was also published by Whitaker House.